Cars, "Crash," Animation Domination

My parents and I did a little car shopping on Saturday at the local Acura dealership. They were looking at the new TLs and RLs (and I the TSX's). The 10-year old Mazda is about to die, so as soon as the pittsburgh condo sells, my dad's using the money to buy a new car. A nice car. And I don't blame him for wanting one. He has worked really hard to be as successful as he is, and he's never really splurged on himself. If I were him, I'd be tempted too, but all he does is drive to and from work, and a little between sites. He takes the MDX for weekend trips around NE, and with the way Massuchesetts drivers drive, I'd almost be scared to take anything nice out of the garage. Crazy drivers, they are. Anyway, he test drove the TL and wasn't impressed. I was in the backseat and it didn't seem much more luxurious than the less expensive Accord. The RL is a lot nicer...it has all the gadgets, it's roomier, it has the cool adjust-around-the-bend headlights, etc. But it's a lot of money, and my dad has to decide whether or not it means that much to him. Personally, I'm not a car guy, and I hate driving. No matter where I'm going, by the time I arrive at my destination, I've witnessed two hundred acts of idiocy and cursed until my face turned purple. So I'm not gonna spend 600 bucks/month on something that contributes to so much grief. God I wish I could fly.

After that we went to see "Crash" at the mall theater. It was a 6:30 showing on a Saturday night, so we knew we were in for a little more noise than usual. But I thought the audience attending such a noteworthy film as "Crash" would have a little more class. Long story short, I was wrong. Each time I see a movie with a crowded audience, my respect for mankind turns more and more into scathing contempt. So powerful is this sentiment that it's invaded the consciousnesses of my friends and family, even my nice mother, who now imagines violently strangling the person next to her for crinkling their popcorn bag. She wasn't always this way, let me tell you. I think the combination of my great irritability and the growing incivility of multiplex audiences could potentially lead to a cosmic war between the forces of good and evil. I thought a lot about this while I was watching "Crash" because so much of the movie is about confrontation (of the racial variety), and because its reckless use of coincidences and stereotypes frankly just pissed me off. No surprise it's written/directed by Paul Haggis, the guy who wrote "Million Dollar Baby [Poop]." Gee Paul, manipulate much?

"Crash": 2.5/5.
"Crash" audience: 0/5.
Paul Haggis: Go Fuck Yourself/5.

On Sunday I moped around, listened to new music from Jude, organized a couple rooms, and watched TV.

Highlights from tonight's two episodes of "The Simpsons:"

- "Bart, it's not nice to make fun of grad students. They just made a terrible life choice."

- "Chop Shop! CHOP SHOP!"

- Homer on Catholic School: "You don't just get bad grades...you GO TO HELL."

- Protestant Heaven vs. Catholic Heaven.

It's always interesting to observe the range of humor the "Simpsons" writers choose to employ in any given episode. For example, the opening sequence of tonight's first episode had Bart scrawling on the school chalkboard "A booger is not a bookmark." That would appeal to the fourth grader. Then at the start of the story we're treated to a satire about snobby foreign films, with Lisa commenting that the Arabian movie the family's watching had to add english subtitles to "make it more commercial." Funny dig, but I'm not sure a fourth grader would appreciate it. Then the plot turns on its head as Flanders rents a room out to two college girls who have a softcore webcam. So we've gone from boogers, to film snobs, to web porn. And after that the episode was pretty much just about Flanders running away to a town in Pennsylvania that doesn't let its citizens wear mustaches. Yeah. OK. Seriously, they must have different writers for each segment.

The second episode -- the season finale -- had a more consistent target: Catholicism. I have to say, I've always admired how willing "The Simpsons" has been in taking well-aimed jabs at religion without being mean-spirited about it. Tonight's episode walked that line pretty well, although I thought Marge's revulsion towards Catholic culture was a little off-putting.

"The Simpsons", Home Away From Homer: 3/5
"The Simpsons," The Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest Star: 3.5/5.

"Family Guy" highlights:

- Joan Cusack getting stuffed into a mailbox.

- Peter almost having sex with Chris.

- Giant wastes of time, and not funny: The chicken fight, the Star Wars ending. I mean, ok, so the ceremony Peter gets is the same as "Return of the Jedi," but they didn't do a damn thing with it. Couldn't Chewy take a dump or something? As for the chicken fight, I pity the animators who had to put that whole thing together.

"Family Guy," Blind Ambition: 2.5/5.